keep watch.

“I’ll come in,” Clark interjects.


You don’t always get to make a choice, I consciously think to myself.


“Callan, are there any other ways in?” I half-whisper, trying to sound as calm as he does in a conscious attempt to impress Katie.

“Nah, we only need to make sure that no one sees us climbing in or out,” he replies.

“Cover each corner and text Clark if there’s no one around. Make sure your phone’s on silent. We’ll text you again when we’re on our way down so you can make sure no one’s around. Shouldn’t be more than 15 minutes.”


Greedo had found a window in a lab on the ground floor that stayed unlocked all night. He said he remembered the latch was broken from a class he had there in first year. I couldn’t help but feel I’d never be able to make a mental connection like that if I needed to.


Katie & I wordlessly parted ways and walked to our respective corners. I’m a little taken aback by Clark’s decision; I know how much he hates Callan. Was he doing this to allow Katie and I time together? Despite his occasional tendency to cock-block, Clark was generally a pretty good guy.


I stick my head around the corner. No one. I knew from a bit of previous late-night revelry on South Lawn that Melbourne Uni has a bit of security floating around the grounds at night, but it was irregular and not super alert. I text Clark and watch the two silhouettes pry the window open and clamber in and out of sight.


I’m immediately flooded by a wave of self-consciousness as I realise that I’m alone with Katie. I see her walking back towards the window and walk toward her, self-consciously trying to ensure that my dark outline looked suave and relaxed.


Wordlessly we sit on the brick path, propped up against the wall under the window into which our two accomplices just disappeared. It’s dark but there’s still enough blue light to reveal Katie’s face and we exchange an awkward smile. It’s hard not to feel excited and afraid by the espionage we’re party to and I can see that in Katie’s beautiful brown eyes.


Immediately an awkward silence sets in. I don’t know what to say; how does anyone in this situation ever know what the fuck to say? How do you be interesting and cool and friendly yet be strong and attractive?


“How weird is this?” Katie asks, breaking the silence for me.


“Umm yeah haha,” I reply, forcing out a fake laugh, “this is not where I expected to be tonight. It’s very ‘Tomorrow When the War Began’,” I continue, the whole conversation being conducted in a whisper. “Did you ever read those books?’ I ask trying desperately to ensure the conversation continues. I know she must be thinking about my comment at lunch today and I’m just praying that she doesn’t bring it up.


“Yeah, I had to read the first one for school. I never bothered with the others,” She replied “… but I really enjoyed it,” she added, perhaps sensing my disappointment.


“In this situation tonight does that, like, make me Ellie haha?” she adds with a fake laugh of her own but hers is ditzy and coquettish.


“Sure,” I reply unenthusiastically. Perhaps Katie’s only unattractive trait is that she feels the need to play the ditz card sometimes. I assume it’s because it’s been successful for her in her first 20 years of life, which is hardly her fault, so I try my hardest to let it go.


Katie keeps talking: “Who were the enemy in those books anyway? In the movie they were Asian…” The word ‘enemy’ triggers something in my memory: “A surplus of distraction – of choice – is the enemy of efficiency.” My lecturer had said that today. How did he know my name? And he walked in JUST after I walked in – was he waiting for me? And those times he said what I’d just thought, what was that? On their own it could simply be coincidence but together…


Katie has begun casting the rest of us but I’m barely listening ‘…and I guess Callan is Chris, you can be Homer. I think Maddie would make a great Robyn…’. Did the lecturer get rid of the 15% lecture attendance to punish me? Does even considering that this could somehow be about me, one of hundreds in the class, make me the most egotistical idiot on earth?


‘Steven!’ That same call, distant & directionless rips me back to the present moment. “Were you even listening to me haha?” Katie asks, putting her hand on my leg, her laugh more friendly and genuine this time. I chide myself: alone with Katie, a situation I’d planned in my head numerous times, and I can only oscillate between being too nervous to speak and lost in my own thoughts & not listening.


“How do you think they’re going?” she asks.

“I’m sure they’re going fine. Callan’s done this a bunch of times”.

“I feel like he didn’t need the rest of us – if he wanted to change our grades he easily could have done it himself,” the conversation is coming easier now.

“Yeah, he just wants the friendship. I’m sorry I brought him to lunch, by the way, he saw me at the Grattan St lights after our lecture and didn’t let me say no.”

“Don’t be,” Katie says authoritatively and with a smile, “we wouldn’t be here otherwise”.


A whole new wave of panic comes over me – is she hitting on me? Or is she just referring to our potentially degree-ending subterfuge & espionage? Her hand is still on my leg and she’s looking at me with her head cocked against the bricks, eyes wide open and smiling. But she’s never shown any interest in me before, even though I feel like I’ve strongly hinted at my interest in the past.


“How long have they been gone?” Katie asks. I pull out my phone: “it’s been 12 minutes since I texted Clark”. Is she asking because she’s worried about Clark or is she asking because she wants me to kiss her before I run out of time?


“They should be down soon”, she leans in and whispers, simultaneously moving her hand up my leg.


I’m looking directly at her now, both of our heads against the bricks only centimetres apart. Ok, she clearly wants this. Surely. But then again, maybe not.


I hate that society places the onus on the guy to make the move in these situations. In this moment I’d happily give up the pay gap, take on the burden of childbirth and the hassle of menstruation, just so the onus is on Katie to lean in and open her mouth and not on me.


But we’re here staring at each other and if I don’t make a move soon the moment will pass. I remember my lecturer telling me about how brains have made decisions 3 seconds before the subjects make them so I begin to countdown in my head: 3…2…1… and I lean in to kiss her…


…And amazingly she doesn’t pull away! After nervously kissing a couple of times our tongues meet and the hand on my leg grabs harder. I can’t believe it! I can’t fucking believe it! We’re actually making out! I move my outside hand onto her hips and after lingering for a few moments I move my hand under her black tank top and slide it up her waist.


Momentarily I reflect on what a weird, weird day I’ve had: I’ve gone from snooze-button contemplator to hammock-owner, espionage hero and ladies man – I’ll definitely think twice before hitting that snooze button from now on. Feeling encouraged by my swelling sense of achievement for the day I slide my hand up onto Katie’s bra. She responds by moving her hand from my leg to under my t-shirt – this seems like a good sign.


I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I assume it must be Clark and keep kissing Katie; I can afford another 30 seconds, maybe 2 minutes.


It vibrates again at a familiar interval. Fuck. A phone call. My mood instantly changes.


Has something gone wrong? I guess there’s a small chance that it’s someone other than Clark but that seems unlikely. Now that I’ve finally kissed Katie and I’ve got my hand under her top I hardly want to stop but if something bad happens then maybe I’ll never get another opportunity.


Should I answer it or ignore it?